It seems like such a waste of time.

People jump through hoops to make friends, have people like you and think well of you. What for? In the end, it's just you, alone. You sit, thinking about the way things turned out. What you might have differently, taken back some of the things you said, maybe said more of the things you were thinking.

Lots of us cop out and blame other people for the way our lives have turned out, and believe me, I could do a lot of blaming....but in the end, they're gone and you still keep punishing yourself. Doing all the self-destructive things you say you hate so much. My big thing is anesticising myself with food. My mother and older sister made a habit of telling me I was fat and ugly during my teenage years and before. I was one of the shorter kids in our family...a middle girl with an older and younger sister , both prettier and thinner than me. I had a tomboy tendancy, and a huge chip on my shoulder. So now, the moment I feel any kind of stress, I want to eat. I still sometimes find myself blaming my mother and
sister but I shouldn't....they're not here shoving food in my mouth. I do it, and I can stop doing it. I just don't seem to want to bad enough. Why is that.

Well anyway. Why worry about shit we can't fix. Here's my dogs. Riley (left) Owen (right)

Riley has finally outgrown his allergy problems but Owen has hip displascia. He has a really hard time getting to his feet on a bad day. They are five this May. I love them but never again will I have dogs in the house...even if it is just the mud room. The smell is bad and the dirt is everywhere. I swear I sweep that floor six times a day and its always full of sand.