Despaire'

I trip along through life pretty much in a daze until someone or thing throws a stick in my way and wham ! down I go. I try very hard not to be a whiner, because other people dislike those of us who whine about our misfortune. Hmmmmm and here I thought we all did it from time to time, when we have something worth whining about. There you go, something else I didn't know before. NOT EVERYONE IS A WHINER.
So, okay, I have my moments. I find it very therapudic, actually, to vent my frustration in public, or semi-public anyway. That's why I have this blog, for pete's sake, and if you were all perfectly honest with yourselves you would admit that you get off on reading all my whining self-depricating crap.

You might have noticed I haven't posted a blog in a while, that might have been because for a brief sliver in time my life was uneventful and totally blog unworthy, however, give me a week or two and I'll come up with something. Thus, this, my newest posting.

You might all remember the whole dilema I had this summer with my eye. They have determined the loss of sight was caused by a blood clot which caused a stroke in the eye.
Blood pressure is normal
Cholesterol - good and bad are all below the acceptable numers, so I'm good there.
No diabetes
ECG shows excellent blood flow to and from the heart, no blocked arteries.
No one seemed to know what caused the clot. Until last week. My regular doctor, whom I really like, has reduced his practice to one day per week, the pits I know. I had just had my routine blood test done and wanted to see what the result was so I made an appointment. Ah ha....couldn't get to see him until Dec 6th. So I chose to see my girly doctor, that I go to for the embarrassing stuff. She is nice. Robert came with, and it was he that asked the doctor to renew my prescriptions for another year. She asked what I was taking and when I told her, she gasped.

Apparrently my hormone therapy pill (premarin) causes blood clots and I am on the highest dose for the past eleven years since my hysterectomy is not a good thing. She said it could kill me and that I had been very very very lucky the clot had been in my eye and not my brain or heart. So, there you go, something new to whine about. She refused to renew the prescription, point blank. She said , it could kill me and that no one ever died from a hot flash. Sooooooo
MENOPAUSE, here I come.

I knew it was a matter of time before they took me off the hormones but I was rather liking the freedom. I have been talking with a counselor and physician from the Women's Wellness clinic in the Grey Nuns hospital in Edmonton about what to expect and they have advised me it could be brutal. They are trying to find out whether there is any benefit to me weaning off of them slowly like most women are made to do who still have there ovaries etc....or does it even matter since I don't and the shock is going to be there whether I wean off them or go cold turkey. Since I won't be making much of my own estrogen to pick up the slack things could get nasty. I do have some slight advantages though since I neither, drink or smoke, those both cause more severe symptoms. I wait in limbo until they decide what would be best. In the mean time I am being pro active and have begun taking only half the dose I normally take.

The pharmacist, my doctor and the wellness clinic doctor all said that I am a unique case. They need to get me off the drug ASAP due to the fear of another clot, but are concerned about the health risk of taking me off cold turkey. so do we wean me off and risk a clot while we're doing it or go cold turkey and risk a thyroid crash, depression or stark raving lunacy. hmmmmmm lets see......

As a sideline to all the above crap I have been arming myself with as much information as I can digest about menopause and premarin contraindicators and lo'and behold I find it is responsible for half the problems I have been suffering from for about ......oh lets see...about the last eleven years. Damn. thinning hair, water retention, headaches, nausea etc...etc.... go figure...the very thing I thought of as the fountain of youth turns out to be doing possibly more harm than good.

RANT OF THE DAY: Why is it we can put a bloody shuttle in space and built a space station, send a robot to mars but they can't find a cure for cancer. Priorities are so screwed up man, it makes my blood boil.
end of rant.