I Want Justice and a Dink

If there is really any justice in this world, the people, who have really pissed me off lately will wake up tomorrow morning with withered, shrivelled dicks and boils on thier balls.

I can only say that at this moment I am on my swollen arthritic knees praying and thanking God that I dodged a bullet several years ago when Robert and I were first married. Foolishly, in the flush of our everlasting love, we thought that we would like to adopt a child. That's right, take on someone elses problem/unwanted child. Crazy I know. Lock me up and throw away the key crazy.

Thankfully, we were told the waiting list was long and so we procrastinated. In the mean while, Robert was getting his first taste of dealing with someone elses child by being exposed to my teenage son. I know I make it sound like he was exposed to a disease or the like. Well, not far off, in retrospect.

We soon both changed our minds. Robert, because he realized that unless you bonded with the kid it was very hard to put up with the crap and I changed my mind because I got a good taste of how it felt to be between a rock and a hard place, with the whole he said - he said thing happening.

Now, while we managed to dodge the bullet called adoption, we have been having to deal with one lodged in our brains for the past 15 years.

My son.

You knew that was coming didn't you. Well I can only offer this in my own defence, I think he was snatched by aliens when he was thirteen and we have been tormented by the empty soul-less decoy ever since.

I know I make him sound like a monster, and he's not. I mean he is not a Robert Picton, Ted Bundy or the like, he's just a bum. Yup. A lazy, mentally stunted, excuse offering, the whole world's out to shit on me chip on the shoulder wastrel, and aparrently it's my fault he's like that. According to him.

He lives in the other house on our property, rent free, utility free, he comes over here to do laundry and dares to complain about things that need fixing in the house. I am afraid I lose patience with him. He hasn't worked in months and lets his grilfriend pay his way. I can not believe that I have raised a man who would be happy to have nothing to call his own and lets his girlfriend keep him.

Robert and I could put up with him living next door for free if only he would get a JOB. Robert and I could go to town today and come home with ten jobs each, there is so much work here. Yet he says they won't hire him. Well, maybe they won't, but is that our problem. He is after all going to be 30 this year. When I was thirty, I worked two jobs and helped on the farm, kept the garden weeded, raised chickens and mowed the damn lawn. He drives his sex toy to work and back and plays video games in between naptimes. It makes me want to scream because he could be so much more.

But enough of that. I am about to embark on an epic journey of discovery. I am going to be childless.

I am going to give him the boot and he is going to hate me and leave in a big hissy fit and I won't see him for years. I hope. Ohhhhh, I know that sounds aweful. But until you have walked even a block in my shoes, don't judge. You with your perfect children, just remember , there but for the grace of god....

Let your child bleed you dry for years and see how you cope. I don't mean t0 bleed dry financially either. I mean mentally, emotionally, guiltily, to use you, cheat you, lie to you, ignore you, play on your love, your guilt, to get you to feel sorry for him, so that you pay his way, make his life easy while he makes yours a living hell. Some body has to be on his side you think, so if not his mother then who, right. Well let me tell you I have been there thought that.....it doesn't work that way. If he wants someone on his side he has to earn it. All I have ever gotten for being there for him was shit in the face.

He shouts, rants, raves, when those don't get the right reaction he threatens suicide, yes, I have lost count of the times he plays that card. It used to work. What mother wouldn't rush to thier childs side when he says his life is so shitty that he wants to kill himself. So you pay his bills, fix his car, buy him groceries and for your trouble you get let down, once he has gotten what he wanted he treats like shit again or ignores you.

So the suicide threat doesn't work anymore, I don't jump to appease him. I say, go ahead, people who are really going to kill themselves don't advertise it.

When the suicide threat doesn't work, he gets angry again, yells and screams, and leaves slamming the door. I have to admit I am tempted to lock it and pretend I am not home. He comes back, all sad and contrite and starts telling you again how shitty his life is, people don't respect him, he cries every five minutes and wants you to agree to anything rather than get mad that he hasn't worked in 5 months and kick him out. He eventually leaves, with nothing resolved, everything he said is just hanging in the air. But I know it's not over.

It's like we are both teetering on the edge of a cliff we are fighting hard not to fall but we can't seem to step back to safety either. I want to tell him to get the hell out and don't come back until he is a self supporting human being and he, I think wants to tell me I ruined his life and that all the shit in his life is my fault. So now what you say.

He comes back the next day. He knows I am alone and he sits quietly at the table biding his time. Finally he works up the nerve to ask. Do I think Robert and I could take his car to town and have new tires put on it.

So that is what it was all about. First the ranting and raving, the anger that I bought him a piece of shit car. (to make me feel guilty about the car I bought him) then the tears and suicide threats (to make me feel sorry that his life is so shitty) and then the real reason he came over. Mom buy me new tires for the piece of shit car you bought me.

What happened next you ask...... Robert came in for lunch and Rob left without an answer. hahaha

He came again this saturday. I am sure it was to ask again....but we had company so he left.

I know he needs to see a doctor, be on medication for a while, but all I can do is advise him. I am not a very good mother I guess, because I can't see myself holding an intervention. I just want him to suck it up and act like a man. Get a job and pay his way, like the billions of other people on the planet. Like Robert and I do. Nobody just handed us the life we have. We both worked hard for thirty years to get here. Be damned if I will squander Roberts hard earned money away on a perfectly healthy and capable young man who is too frigging lazy or mentally shackled to earn any for himself.

So now you know what I put up with on a monthly basis. the rest of my time is spent dreading the next time. No wonder I have high blood pressure. He shows up and I head for the buttered popcorn (light on the popcorn, heavy on the butter)

So yah, I am working up the nerve to go face to face and hand him an eviction notice. Isn't that sad that I have to work up the nerve to talk to my son. Telling, that is, very telling.

Disclaimer: for those of you who have adopted a child/children, coudo's to you. I think it is a great thing, you just have to be the right kind of person. Not me. I can't even deal with my biological son never mind someone elses child.

For those of you who have had someone in your life commit suicide, I apologize for trivializing it the way I might have, it is a grieveous thing, which is why it angers me so much that he makes use of it as just another button to push.

So yah, I am looking forward to being a DINK. I am going to be a good one too. Double Income No Kid. DINK. hahahaha